i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize