I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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