So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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