and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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