My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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