You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
bring money and cleavage
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't put those talents on a resume
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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