did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
