Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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