best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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