I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
