It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize