I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize