I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
