omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
