he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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