I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
