oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
