so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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