Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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