You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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