you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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