I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You've changed since you got that strap on
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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