and you said cock pushups were impossible
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
