why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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