You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm at about main and main street
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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