You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
