So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
