"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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