dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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