4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
