You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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