I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
