Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
