ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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