Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wish my penis had a tongue
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
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You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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