So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
