somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
