Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
