when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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