You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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