dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
