i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
