never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
