yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize