i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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