I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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