walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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