ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
