One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
