Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
