dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
