Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
