Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
