does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
