i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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