her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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