no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You ruined the universe
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
