She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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