Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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