is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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