I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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