Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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