too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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