my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
