No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
